President Cyril Ramaphosa says there is absolutely no reason for farmers to panic because of load shedding.

Many farmers in the country, except those who have the privilege to hide dollars in sofas at their farms, say load shedding has impacted their businesses very badly over the years.

To do damage control, the president on Friday will be in Bloemfontein where he will meet farmers at the Free State department of agriculture and rural development so he can show them how to plant meat in the ground and grow it with or without electricity.

“Many people ask themselves where do I buy the meat that I eat at my house from? Well I’ve kept this a secret for so very long and I didn’t tell anyone. But now that we have got a crisis in our hands, in other words ‘Load shedding’, I have no choice but to teach our farmers how to grow meat on the ground because they say their businesses are being impacted by load shedding. Since I’m the one who caused the country to get to stages such as ‘stage Phala Phala’ and ‘stage Gqeberha’ of load shedding, I will show them my trick.”, the president said.

“Well, the secret is out… you don’t need electricity to do animal farming. I grow my chickens and cattle in the ground and it costs money almost nothing. All I need is eggs, the ground to plant them in, a warm temperature and some water.” he said.

“There you have it. Are you happy now? Believe me, it works. I have been doing it for many years and the meat comes out nicer than your normal meat that you  buy from Checkers and Pick n Pay.” the president said before pulling out a raw steak of Buffalo meat from one the pockets of his jacket and eating it in front of journalists.

 

*Satire

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